Archive for the ‘personal’ Category

Heartless

Saturday, December 5th, 2015

15-FriendshipEnds-650x340

 

Experiencing loss is interesting – and not in the good sense.

 

What’s interesting about it is you can lose some of the most important things and/or people in your life, and it can cause you to think, “Ok, it can’t get worse than this.”

 

NEVER THINK THAT. You can ALWAYS lose more.

 

And sometimes that loss has nothing to do with death – it’s just that people change, they grow apart, or they just stop caring.

 

And here’s the thing: No matter how much YOU have changed, or grown apart – the actual end or cutting off of that thing or person is still incredibly painful.

 

And shutting down won’t make the pain go away; trying not to feel the pain will only prolong the healing because the truth is, no one will be there for you forever.

 

And that’s life.

 

friends

 

12/4/15 7:48pm CST

Truth Hurts

Truth may march o’er cracked stone floors
through bloodied hearts arrayed,

And Pain might prevail whilst cities lie
In dust and agony weighed,

Yet Reality trudges onward
through the graying scenes of life,

Gripping in one whitened fist
Truth’s heartless, edged knife.

–KW McCabe 2015

Lost

Tuesday, November 17th, 2015

r-GRIEF-AND-LOSS-HOLIDAYS-large570

 

 

I haven’t posted in awhile, partly because I’ve been overwhelmed and partly because I haven’t had any words.

 

You never realize how much a person can fill up the space and cracks of time in your life until they’re gone and those spaces loom empty.

 

The good times and the bad ache sharper because you know you will never get the chance to experience anything with them ever again.

 

What hurts most is the end of possibilities – the end of the chance to see what more that person could have done or whom they might have become.

 

It hurts to discover that while we often told one another that life was short – we never took it to heart.

 

And now it’s too late.

 

Thirty days

Wednesday, October 7th, 2015

Thirty days have passed since my husband disappeared.

Each night I pray he is alive somewhere. My heart doesn’t feel that he has passed on, but the heart is a treacherous place.

Meanwhile, I search for the right words to tell my oldest child. My youngest simply points at his picture and repeats his name like a summoning.

My heart breaks for my two daughters as I wonder if they will grow up in a cold, harsh world without the man that cradled them in his arms.

And I?

I continue to pray for a resolution, an end to the question where is he?

God knows.

God doesn’t sleep.

This can’t last forever.

When Things Are Unclear

Monday, September 28th, 2015

Keep-the-faith

 

It’s been 21 days since the night my husband went missing.

 

The circumstances surrounding that night are confusing, to say the least.

 

There are times when the whole thing seems unreal. The irony of the situation cuts deep when others comment that his disappearance sounds like a book or a movie, because though I’m a writer – this is my life.

 

I had to halt editing Dragon Kin as I have been consumed with talking to investigators, and I’m uncertain when I’ll be able to restart.

 

I hope this ends soon, that my husband is found, and that my daughters’ tiny, protected worlds are made right again.

Holding Hope

Tuesday, September 15th, 2015

hope

 

 

I haven’t updated in awhile. It’s been difficult to do so with the current circumstances of my life.

 

My husband went missing 9/7/15, and no one has seen or heard from him since.

 

I’m hoping that he will be found soon, and that this nightmare will end.

 

Because of this, it has been difficult for me to focus on writing or editing or anything that doesn’t have something to do with finding him.

 

Please, keep me in your prayers.

Creating Emotions

Friday, August 7th, 2015

 

I’ve been doing a lot of contemplating lately on how art, music and writing affect us emotionally and physically. As a writer, I want my readers to connect with what my characters feel. The Editor’s Blog discusses several techniques for causing readers to feel what the characters feel, but I wanted to understand what causes the connection.

 

Have you ever read a story and cried because what happened hurt you as though you were living the character’s experience? Have you ever listened to a song and goosebumps rose along your arms because the song touched something unnameable within you? Have you ever looked at a painting or watched a scene in a movie and inside, some part of you said, yes, this.

 

I think this reaction within us happens because the creator, writer or artist has touched something innate to human existence. Whether joy, pain, or rage – that creator has touched on a fundamental truth.

 

Those moments are so precious and difficult to attain because, in the end, how do you articulate emotions that most people don’t have the ability to verbalize?

 

Not only that, everyone is unique, so the art that might touch one person, might not translate to another.

 

For me, that moment happened this week with Taylor Swift’s song Bad Blood. I especially loved the line Band-aids don’t fix bullet holes. So true ^.^

 

Now, I’m left trying to analyze how to translate those same goosebumps onto paper in a way that readers can experience viscerally.

 

So, back to the drawing board.

 

Wish me luck.

Sunny Days ^.^

Wednesday, August 5th, 2015

 

So, I’ve had a bit of a vacation from writing ^.^ I was in South-Beach Florida over this weekend, and I have to say it was wonderful. The beach was gorgeous, the water clear and warm, and the weather humid and hot. I could have done without the humidity, but the beach made it all worthwhile ^.^

 

It was so beautiful that I began seriously thinking about what moving to Florida might be like. Then I realized that working every day in that kind of heat and humidity – with few, if any, trips to the beach would probably not be so fun. So, I decided not to move to Florida. But I will be planning another vacation there in the future.

 

Now I’m back at home, and slowly trying to get back into the grind of writing again.

 

Wish me luck ^.^

What To Do When Depression Overwhelms

Thursday, July 16th, 2015

I’ve gone through a really hard period lately where depression killed my ability to write, or crit, or do anything productive at all. I really do think there are times when life is so overwhelming it can cause a state of emotion that’s debilitating. Frustration, discouragement, depression–these are all emotions that can cripple your ability to write or do anything creative.

 

So what is the best thing to do when this happens?

 

  1. First, it’s important to remember that the body and mind need to rest periodically. Sometimes we have so much on our plate that we forget this.
  2. Sometimes writing or creating can be therapeutic. Writing something, even something that might not be all that great, in the midst of deep emotion can be cathartic.
  3. It’s important to concentrate on the thought that nothing lasts forever. Sometimes it feels like it. It may even get worse, but nothing lasts forever.
  4. (Reread #1) Let yourself realize that it’s ok to just take a break, to rest, to not do anything until your body and mind have rested enough.

 

Last, but not least, make certain there’s someone you can go to, someone you can confide in about what’s dragging you down. Often, connecting with others speeds the healing process more than anything else.

Why I’m Leaving KDPS #ReleaseTheRate @amazon

Friday, July 3rd, 2015

force

 

On 7/1/2015, I recieved this letter from Amazon, informing me of the new program in KDPS that will pay authors by the page instead of by the download:

Hello,

In mid-June, we announced a change to the way we will pay for authors’ participation in Kindle Unlimited (KU) and the Kindle Owners’ Lending Library (KOLL) (https://kdp.amazon.com/community/ann.jspa?annID=786). Starting today, the payout of the KDP Select Global Fund will be based on the number of pages KU and KOLL customers read. (Emphasis mine)

In mid-July, we will post results for the fund in June, expected to be at least $11M, making June the largest monthly payout so far. As previously announced, the KDP Select fund for July and August will also be at least $11M.

KDP authors can now see the Kindle Edition Normalized Page Count (KENPC V1.0) for each of their KDP Select titles on the “Promote and Advertise” page in their Bookshelf (https://kdp.amazon.com/bookshelf). Please keep in mind that, because it is based on settings specific to this program and intended to normalize the count across all KDP Select titles, KENPC may well vary from page counts listed on a book’s Amazon detail page or page counts for a print book. As measured using KENPC, during the month of June, KU and KOLL customers read nearly 1.9 billion Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENPs) of KDP Select books.

For information about how we determine a book’s Kindle Edition Normalized Page Count (KENPC V1.0), you can read more here:  https://kdp.amazon.com/help?topicId=A156OS90J7RDN.

We welcome your continued feedback and ideas about how we can further improve Kindle Direct Publishing and Kindle Unlimited.

Best regards,
The Kindle Direct Publishing Team
©1996-2015, Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. All Rights Reserved. Amazon and Kindle are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. 410 Terry Avenue North Seattle, Washington 98109 US

As a result of this, I have removed my short stories and poetry from the KDPselect program. I have left The Dragon’s Call on there for the moment, but am seriously considering removing it from there as well. I do not like how little information is being given on how many of my books are downloaded versus how many pages are read. The only information I’m given is how many pages have been read for that day. I don’t know what pages in which books, or if multiple books were downloaded – I know nothing at all except how many pages of all my works total were read for the day.

That is unacceptable.

 

I will not use KDPS for my smaller books anymore, and if the payout is not comparable to what I was receiving prior to July 1st, I will be removing The Dragon’s Call as well.

 

Take that, Jeff Bezos. #ReleaseTheRate

Blogger vs WordPress

Thursday, July 2nd, 2015

So, I’m in the process of rejuvenating my blogspot blog. I’m having a hard time choosing between them, mainly because while wordpress is extremely versatile, and very sleek, most of my hits land on my blogspot address. I’m not certain why that is unless Google prefers blogspot over personal websites, but in order to expand my readership, I’ll be transferring and backing up everything on wordpress and to my blogspot address.
I haven’t decided whether I’ll move over completely, so for the meantime, I’ll be maintaining both sites.
Haven’t seen my blogspot blog? Check it out HERE!