Archive for the ‘self help’ Category

The Importance of Friends

Friday, October 9th, 2020

Some women in this day and age seem to subscribe to the belief that having friendships with other women is fraught with drama and tension and is, on the whole, better avoided. While many women do not believe this, it is important to consider why these ideas and beliefs might come into play.

Women as a whole suffer under stereotypes of being emotional, illogical, hysterical, dramatic, and a host of other negative terminologies that have been foisted onto them by society. Could these stereotypes still be instilled within women to the point where they see each other through these negative lenses?

This is an important question to hold in one’s mind.

In general, negative interactions occur when negative thought patterns are acted upon. Because of this truth, it’s important for women to guard their thoughts against such negative images of other females because, ultimately, it as the same view they have of themselves.

Women as a whole must intentionally keep positive thoughts in their mind about each other and about themselves, because negative thought patterns are what cause the disintegration in interpersonal relations and even internal beliefs about self.

Life After Divorce

Friday, October 9th, 2020

Life After Divorce

What does divorce really mean? How does it affect us? What’s life like after a divorce?

These questions are important to consider when going through a life-changing transition such as divorce or separation. The grief and loss that one can feel during such times can be nearly as devastating as losing someone to death.

A period of time dedicated to healing is essential after a divorce. One can often feel as though a part of themselves is missing, life has lost meaning, and they are not sure how to continue. They might even experience denial or attempt to bargain their way back into the relationship. These are all normal reactions–in fact they are part of the normal grief reactions described in Kubler Ross’s Stages of Grief:

  • denial
  • anger
  • bargaining
  • depression
  • acceptance

It’s important to know that these stages might not happen in a certain order, or complete once the grieving person has reached acceptance. Sometimes the grieving process can skip and jump through the stages and recycle itself before finally completing.

The most important thing to remember while healing is that this process of grief is normal–and it takes time. Even if, and possibly especially if, your relationship was toxic and unhealthy, the grieving process might be something you experience before finally entering a state of healing.

Self Care Talk

Friday, October 9th, 2020

Self Care Talk

In today’s society, people have become so focused on filling each minute and second of time with activity, that often people either forget, or don’t understand the need for self-care. Many people push self-care to the back burner, and sacrifice their health and vitality to the alter of work and giving to others–without ever replenishing their dwindling reserves of energy. However energy, like a glass of water, depletes itself: the more sips and gulps you take — the less there is in the glass.

It’s important to do a self-assessment and gauge where your energy levels are:

  • Are you always tired?
  • Do you have difficulty getting to sleep or waking up?
  • Are you short tempered or irritable?
  • Do you find yourself snapping at small things?
  • Is it difficult for you to tolerate mistakes from others?
  • Do you raise your voice without realizing it?

These are symptoms and clues that perhaps your energy is at a dangerous low. Ask yourself this: Do you have a self-care routine?

If you do, how often do you practice self-care? If not, when was the last time you did something for yourself?

Self-care can be anything from taking a long soothing bath, taking a nap or a walk, jogging or playing a sport at the park, going to the gym or even just spending a relaxing bit of time with friends. Whatever it is, make sure to take “me time.”

Your energy levels with thank you!

Light Skin vs Dark Skin

Friday, October 9th, 2020

Light Skin vs Dark Skin. Do you love the skin you are in?

Colorism. This is a topic that is not only difficult, but also sometimes taboo to discuss. Why is that? Because the very  roots of colorism has much to do with the painful history of the enslavement of people of color.  Native Americans, Africans, Japanese, Chinese and people of other racial descent were often enslaved on the basis that their skin was easily distinguished from the lighter skinned races.

The very shadow of that taint on history still plagues the preferences of our generation today. You still see darker skinned minorities lightening their skin.

However, you also see the lighter skinned races darkening their skin.

Why is that?

Have the ideals and characteristics of the races of darker shades developed an appeal to those of the lighter skinned races?

Are the darker skinned races completely unaware of the hatred of shade evidenced by their usage of skin-lightening products?

What is the psychology behind this act of lightening or darkening one’s flesh, altering the very essence of how one appears?

This is a difficult question to answer as it would seem there might be many different answers to these questions.

From the Kardashians being accused of darkening their skin, to famous singers and rappers lightening their skin, this seems to be a phenomenon much-entrenched in today’s society.

Much of this phenomenon, of course, has to do with what the media portrays as beautiful and desirable. You are desirable if you are not “too” dark. You are exotic or sexy if you are not “too” pale — and the evidence of this is that numerous skin tanning locations are spread across the country.

Again and again we see that women are told that the skin they are in is not acceptable. It must be lighter if it is “too” dark. Or, alternatively, it must be darker if it is “too” pale.

The only way to be free of this self-induced bondage to self-hate is to reject what the media portrays.

Your skin is beautiful no matter how light or dark. Embrace your body and who you are.

Don’t believe anyone or trust anything that tells you anything different.

Dark Whispers

Friday, October 9th, 2020

Sometimes life can seem as though all darkness is endless, that everything in life and the universe is bearing down on you to smother you into eternal pain and darkness. And, the truth is, sometimes it is. 

How can you survive this? How can you survive when the darkness is so thick you cannot see through to the other side? It feels as though it will destroy you. Sometimes the pain is so thick and viscous that you may even desire that destruction. It feels like an end to eternal suffering.

But you must not give in to this.

You must not give in to the whisper in the night that says, You would be better if you weren’t here.

You must not give in to this whisper when it turns into a scream that howls, Why are you even here?

Do not listen.

Because the darkness will not bring peace.

Darkness only ever brings endless pain with your death.

If you are unable to push through this, if your energy and will has been slowly sucked away until you feel like a shell, you still must not give in.

I am a survivor of this darkness, and I can tell you that you can survive. But you must get help. You cannot do this alone.

Get help.

The whisper may tell you that no one would care if you were gone, that no one cares about you even now. Don’t listen to this whisper–it is a lie designed to obliterate any hope you might have left.

No man is an island, no matter how alone that person feels.

Your absence would send a shock and ripple through lives that you think would not be affected.

Do not listen to that whisper that lies.

Listen, instead, to this:

You may not feel it, but you are loved.

You may not believe it, but your presence is needed.

Don’t give up.

Don’t give in.

Get help.

National Suicide Hotline


WRiTe RiGhT! (Helpful Thoughts For Your Writing Process)

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2020


Helpful Thoughts and encouragement including information on where you can get free editing, and the three things you need to have if you are a writer!


Too Stressed For Process

Thursday, August 20th, 2020

It has been about two weeks since the last podcast as I was forced to take a break.

Everyone has a different process and experience with creating art. The more stressed I am, the more my process disintegrates until I am unable to create anything of quality.

My favorite motto has always been that inspiration comes from a sufficient amount of laziness. I say this with tongue firmly in cheek, but I indeed need to have rest and happiness in my life to write. My process for poetry does not follow this rule. When my life hits the absolutely deepest pit it can possibly descend to, I write poetry.

However, if I want to write words that do not reek of despair, retain some form of logic, and do not rhyme – rest and happiness are mandatory. 

So, I asked myself a question: 

How do I enter a state that is conducive to creation and art?

During this week of enforced recovery I utilized five techniques:

  1. Enough sleep and rest: After the week of enforced relaxation ended, I realized some critical things. Rest is crucial. No one can function on an empty tank. You are not a robot. If you do not put fuel in, you will sputter out.
  2. Exercise: Moderate stress with external means. Exercise utilizes the fight or flight response and rids the body of hormones that cause anxiety. Exercise is especially necessary during this quarantine. No one can stay shut in forever without losing their mind. Get fresh air and sunlight. Our bodies are not designed to be stuck inside enclosed spaces for weeks or months at a time. I made sure to go outside often, even if it was just to take my kid to the park.
  3. Herbal teas: I did some research, then put myself on a regimen of herbal teas ( sleepytime tea with chamomile and valerian). The combined herbs of chamomile and valerian are natural remedies that assist in regulating stress.
  4. Me Time: Doing things that add joy to your life is important. If you are not, is it any wonder you are stressed? This is part of refilling your tank. I love reading books, watching Chinese dramas, and listening to music and motivational speeches. When I neglect to do things that make me happy, staying strong becomes extremely difficult. Me time is a must.
  5. Creating a happy space: Creating an environment where you can thrive is also critical. Do you hate your surroundings? Do you have at least one place that you can let down your guard and relax? If you do not, create one. Whether that place is your room or a closet, you must have a space you call your own. You need to be able to enter that space and feel a sense of peace. If every place you enter feels like a warzone, it is no wonder you are stressed! Prioritize creating a safe space for your peace of mind.

Life can feel as though it is smothering you. Self-care is mandatory during these times. Make sure to do something for yourself, even if it is something small. Doing this is essential for your peace of mind.

%d bloggers like this: